I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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