ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
