when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
