Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
