A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
