Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
