...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
