kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
