so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
