it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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