I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Someone shattered a urinal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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