My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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