she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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