Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
