are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
