This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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