Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize