y did u give ur computer a hand job?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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