What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
