My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is my gift to your gina
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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