The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
