There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
