You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize