I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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