well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
