Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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