I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
