we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
