that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
