I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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