All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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