The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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