I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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