Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
