Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
