Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
