His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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