If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
