Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He passed out mid-signature
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
