Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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