The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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