i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
