so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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