Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
