i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
