Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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