I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
