this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
