Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
