All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
