so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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