Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
