i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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