i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
