Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize