Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
