Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
