I want to walk on stilts...naked
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
