For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
