y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
