I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
