I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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