I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
