She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize