Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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