I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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