rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize