So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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