Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
