This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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