The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
