she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
