2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize