he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
