He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
