Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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