is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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