she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
