I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
