The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
