you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
