Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
