I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
