he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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