THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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