just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
