Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
