Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your dad touched me again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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