Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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