dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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