I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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