and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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