I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
